(Quote) “The INTJ personality type is rare, making up only 2-4 percent of the population. But the INTJ female is even rarer, comprising only 0.5 percent — making them the rarest gender/type combination. As a result, INTJ females tend not to fit in. We can come across as intimidating, mysterious, and strange (even to fellow INTJs). We don’t fit the standards of stereotypical femininity, and we hate being pigeonholed.”
I took the Myers-Briggs personality test a very long time ago. I’ve always been fascinated by personalities and because of this interest, I have researched the characteristics of my INTJ personality (and others) to more fully understand why I am the way I am. I’ve learned that my personality is unique and very misunderstood. It took me until adulthood to fully accept who I am and be comfortable in my personality. While most people struggle with wanting everyone to like them and to try to please everyone, I do not. I accept people as they are and where they are.
While it is difficult being judged by people who are not blessed with the ability to understand that each person is an individual, and our thinking processes are different, and how things that have happened to us in our lives, create the way we react to certain situations, I choose not to judge. I have had this happen often in my life. People walk away because I do not conform to their thought process. They get angry when they can’t change who I am. They think because I do not wear my feelings on my shirt-sleeve, I must not feel or care. They judge. I forgive. And forgive and forgive. How can you not? In my opinion, people can be idiots. They need forgiveness, not my anger or hurt; that I keep to myself. INTJs are disciplined in compartmentalizing.
After years of research, I finally understand who I am as an INTJ. I understand how I am different from most of the world. I’m okay with that. I like myself. My circle of friends is small, but they are people who have taken the time to get to know me and appreciate the ways that I am different. I fill in the gaps of their personalities and we have lasting friendships because of the respect we have for each other. They are people who appreciate my directness and my honesty. They know that when they ask a question, I will not regurgitate their thoughts back to them.
While all “5 confessions” in the article aptly described me, there were two I wanted to highlight. I have quoted them below.
3. Sometimes the ways I show affection don’t seem affectionate.
It’s often not in words or hugs that I express my affection for people. When my friends come to me with an emotional problem (and don’t want to hear a solution), I usually don’t know what to do. Instead, my instinct is to show affection through information. By sharing something that I think they might find helpful or interesting, I’m trying to show that I care. Unfortunately, this may come off as cold or unfeeling, when that’s the opposite of what I intended.
5. I’m trying to be direct, not rude.
Another struggle common to INTJs is the miscommunication that occurs when someone takes our straightforward way of speaking as cold, insensitive, or even aggressive. We sometimes have to go out of our way to ensure that we don’t come off this way, but, again, this hurdle can be all the more trying for women. The assumption that a woman should come off as sensitive and nurturing makes an INTJ female’s bluntness all the more troubling to people who may quickly judge her as being rude.
If you are an introvert or know an introvert, I invite you to click on the link above and get to understand them a little better. Do you know your personality? Comment below if you do.