I knew as soon as I decided to document each day of the week my plans would go awry. Isn’t that how it always happens? I’ve had a couple of pretty good days since my last post. Today, I’m kind of sliding back into the pain a little.

Yesterday was an exceptionally good day and I have to say that I enjoyed being able to eat. It’s odd that I am so cautious about eating and every now and then I forget and just pop something into my mouth as any normal person would. Sometimes, I realize very quickly it was a mistake and other times it is not until the second or third bite that I realize I don’t have pain. The mind is truly awesome in that way. It has the ability to forget horrendous pain. Today, I was back to being cautious as I was experiencing pain when I chewed.

After eating lunch, I made the mistake of grabbing a couple of M&Ms for something sweet. Even though I put them in the mouth carefully, when I moved them to the side with my tongue, I accidentally engaged my pallet and caused pain. There is no little thing in my life. It’s all big things because of the pain. It can be frustrating and if you aren’t on top of what is going on, you can get really cranky. Chronic pain, and by that I mean 24/7 pain, no break, can wear on you. You begin looking for ways to avoid the pain. You can only take so much at a time, but it doesn’t end and you are forced to take more until you need a punching bag. I have had months where I didn’t have a break from the pain.

Hubby will eat breakfast and then before I realize it, he’s coming in for lunch and I am wondering why is he hungry when he just ate. I don’t realize the hours between meals because I’ve become accustomed to not eating much. My typical day is a cup of hot cocoa for breakfast, skipping lunch, and maybe eating an early dinner. I don’t even notice that I don’t eat. Throughout this journey, there have been weeks when I’ve barely eaten or drank due to the pain. I’ve had to force myself to drink to take my medications because of the pain it causes. Eating becomes something you do to survive, but not enjoy. This is not something that anyone who looks at a person with chronic pain would be aware of. We never know what anyone else is going through so we need to have compassion. They may be hungry and don’t be surprised if you get more than you bargained for if you say the wrong thing! That was a little humor there that just happens to have some truth to it. Think of the last time you were hungry and couldn’t wait to get home to eat. Multiply that a millionfold.

I am so blessed to have such a great husband. I try to hide the pain because he can’t stand to see me in pain and not be able to do anything. It’s not only the person in pain that is struggling, it is the people who love them that struggle. He always asks me in the morning how I feel and I just as soon tell the truth because he notices my speech patterns when I’m in pain. I have trouble making sounds like b, m, n, p, etc. so I have learned to pronounce my words a little differently to make those sounds. When I say good as cheerful as I can, he responds with how bad. It never gets easy to let those you love know you are in pain because you know it causes them pain.

I was having an okay day on Thursday until I brushed my teeth so that sounds like a focus for today. I have had Trigeminal Neuralgia for four years. I can’t remember very many times picking up a toothbrush and just brushing away like there is no tomorrow, which is how I used to brush my teeth. If your teeth could be squeaky clean, mine were. Now, I’m lucky if I can call them semi-clean. I began using an electric toothbrush years ago due to arthritis in my hand. There’s nothing like a motorized tool in your mouth to start the nerves firing like the 4th of July.

Brushing my teeth is something I never take for granted. I can remember many many occasions picking up the toothpaste and toothbrush and asking God if we were going to brush our teeth today. I learned how to brush different teeth at different times because the pain was unbearable. When I brushed my teeth today, I brushed the left side and then the right. I knew that was my safe space today. The front teeth end up being a pass over most days. On days when the nerves aren’t firing, I could literally brush all day. Let me see how to put it. If you are someone who enjoys having a clean mouth with clean teeth, it can be frustrating not being able to properly clean your teeth. So, when it’s possible to brush my teeth, I enjoy it because when the nerves are trying to fire, I try not to set them off.

I think I will end here today. When I am feeling okay, it’s hard to dwell on the really bad days. I hope you have my posts informative.

https://mylifeonestoryatatime.com/2021/03/02/living-with-trigeminal-neuralgia-march-2-2021/