As the hours drag on, more and destruction and ruin rear their ugly head. I walk through the house and my bare feet feel every warping edge of the beautiful maple floor we lovingly put down piece by piece so many years ago. Doors are dragging the floor as we open and close them indicating water damage.

I am able to wash and dry clothes and sheets, although not at the same time as it strains the generator. My refrigerator stopped cooling yesterday. While it is disappointing, I have a backup in the garage for which I am eternally grateful. I took the opportunity to purge the things we keep for those “just in case” times that never seem to happen. I have to admit it felt good playing hard pitch as I threw things into the garbage can. I wish I could have thrown things harder, if for no other reason than to work off the stress and anxiety that I am feeling.

Any time I begin to feel the least bit sorry for myself I remember I have a house and so many do not. I am never ungrateful for what I have. I am so very thankful for God’s blessings. They are abundant, even in the chaos. I’ve dealt with a lot of crap recently and I’m not feeling as strong emotionally as I normally do. It is times like this where I need Calypso and she’s not here. I miss her so much. Sooner or later I am going to find myself sitting at her grave. If that’s as close as I can get, I will take it. She gave me more emotional support than I was aware of and I need her right now. I need her wet kisses. I need to run my fingers through her long thick coat. I guess we never know what we have until it’s gone.

Today is one of those days I decided to just let the tears flow. I am too tired to stop them. I am alone. Hubby and friends finished tarping our house and have moved on to the next. I cried when I took out the garbage. I cried as I washed and dried clothes. I cried as I washed dishes and containers from the freezer. I sat under the fan and let the breeze dry my tears as I folded clothes. It wasn’t because of things we lost, it was emotions from all the chaos around me. When I exhausted myself, I took a nap.

There’s very little communication with the outside world. Phone service is sporadic. Some messages come thru or go out. Others do not. Every now and then a phone call manages to come thru but not often. It’s just me and the sound of generators.