I just looked up the date of my last post on Trigeminal Neuralgia and it was the end of July. I have been on one heck of a roller coaster ride since then. We traveled the last couple of weeks in July even though I wasn’t feeling well. I felt I could feel pain at home or in the mountains so that is what we did, we traveled. I promised to post pictures from our trip but as I said it’s been a roller coaster ride.

By the end of the trip, I had found a new love for peanut butter and crackers. The pain was bad enough that I was not eating as well as drinking very little. I could break the peanut butter crackers into little pieces and place them in my mouth and let them melt. This still caused great pain, but it allowed me to get a little nourishment. The drinking I left for taking meds as that was painful as well. It wasn’t long after we returned home that the pain became so severe that I stopped talking. I think my husband got a little tired of the silence. I guess when you live with someone who talks nonstop, the silence can be a little deafening.

The pain became increasingly severe as August wore on, and by the second week, I was not able to eat or drink or speak. All I could do was literally sit in a chair and not move. Any facial movement caused the already excruciating pain to increase. I found it odd that the body takes over sometimes. I refused to cry because the very act of crying caused pain. You sniffle and your nose runs. You do not want to sniffle and aggravate the nerve, and by no means are you able to wipe your runny nose! But the tears kept coming. My body would not listen to my brain.

By August 14th I was getting desperate. For the second time this year, my priest came to visit and gave me the anointing for the sick. I also began to research and read about the procedures that my neurosurgeon had discussed with me last year. I knew I was at the point where I needed to make a decision on which procedure. I needed relief. While I was reading about the procedures and the invasiveness of each, I remembered a friend mentioning gamma knife surgery a few months ago.

I have been praying for the last year for God’s guidance and goodness knows, I normally need a billboard to show me the way! I had refused to do anything until I knew it was the right decision for me and I felt God was leading me down this path. When I googled Gamma Knife, two places came up. One clinic was over two hours away and one was in New Orleans, which is an hour away. I communicated with pen and paper to my husband that on Monday he needed to call the clinic in New Orleans and make an appointment. There was no looking back. It was time. I couldn’t continue with the pain I was experiencing. If I were not such a coward, I probably would have killed myself. Trigeminal Neuralgia is not called the suicide disease for no reason and I had reached beyond that point.

My husband spent most of the day on the phone going back and forth with the clinic. They labeled me a “crisis patient” and I thought, they have no clue how accurate that terminology was. What normally takes months, happened in a few hours and days so I know God had his hand in it. The neurosurgeon from the clinic moved his schedule around and made time for me Tuesday morning. The procedure, known as Gamma Radiology, was scheduled for Thursday morning and they began insurance approval immediately. God’s hand was all over. The appointment was Tuesday morning at Ochsner Hospital, where all of my doctors are located and where I am most comfortable, and the doctor was affiliated with Ochsner. When he walked into the room, the air changed. It was comforting and I just surrendered to whatever was going to happen.

We tell people to lay everything at the foot of the cross. It now sounds so condescending. We say it as though we know what it truly means, but until you have crawled to Calvary, dragging your baggage, and lay it at the foot of the cross because there is no place else to go, do you truly understand what laying it at the foot of the cross means. I was there. Bruised and battered, with my baggage, laying it down at the feet of our crucified Lord. The pride was gone because there is no place for it. My heart was laid open and I put my trust in my Savior. The journey was over. I fell and Jesus picked me up. He took over. I will never tell anyone to lay it at the foot of the cross again without telling them of my journey.

I couldn’t communicate with the doctor because of pain. Thank goodness my husband could answer the questions. The doctor also emphasized that he knew I was in crisis. The few questions I had, I simply had to write a few letters before he knew what I was asking. He also told me that anxiety makes the TN worse. Apparently, I am my worst enemy! He prescribed a new drug that I hadn’t tried and so far, the side effects that I am experiencing are not as bad as the other two drugs I have taken. It is affecting my short-term memory but my husband can finish my sentences and when he finds me walking in circles, he asks what I am looking for and it calms the chaos in my brain so I can figure things out.

Life these days is a game of charades and sign language. I will continue my journey in the next post. Living through the pain was bad enough, but recalling it brings up a ton of emotions and I can only handle a certain amount, and I need to share my story to help others who may be suffering with Trigeminal Neuralgia. If you have questions, please comment and I will answer them in the next post. I will also write about the surgery.

Until then, God bless.

Part 2

https://mylifeonestoryatatime.com/2020/06/08/the-trigeminal-neuralgia-chronicles-my-week-in-review-june-08-2020/