The Parent’s Guide to the Modern World
Raising a child in the 21st Century is scary! There are so many threats to your adolescent that you worry about what they are up to in their bedroom, let alone when they are out with their friends.
The world is so different than when we grew up, young people nowadays have different expectations about life and use so much technology. It’s no wonder we feel overwhelmed at times. Even things that were simple have gotten more complicated, issues like gender identity or sex. It’s hard to know where to start with technology, every time you feel you have a grip on what your child is into, they talk about something else you’ve never heard of.
Life as a parent is overwhelming!
The Parent’s Guide to the Modern World gives you the answers to the worries you haven’t even realized you have. Starting with a section on how your child’s brain develops and explaining why their personality changes so much during puberty. It even helps you to structure any difficult conversations you need to have with your teen or soon to be a teen.
The book then goes through over thirty different aspects of the modern world, telling you about the risks associated with each, plus the dos and don’ts for you as parents. Following this, part three focusses on the predictions for the world your child will be an adult in; helping you to understand the things you can do now to give them the best chances in life. Finally, the book contains a handy glossary of terms your young person might be using.
Worried about how to help your child understand these risks? Why not buy them the sister book The Young Person’s Guide to the Modern World.
About Richard Daniel Curtis
Based in Southampton with his partner and their young son, Richard Daniel Curtis is an internationally renowned behaviour expert and futurist passionate about helping people understand mindset and psychology. A former teacher, and mental health support worker, Richard is known for his impact with turning around some of the most extreme behaviours and is consulted about adults and children around the globe, even having two assessments named after him. He has founded The Root of It -an organization of qualified professionals available to support schools and individuals with behavioural difficulties- for which he was awarded the Gold Scoot Headline Award in 2015 and Best New Business in 2014. Most recently he launched The Mentoring School to train the psychology related to mentoring people of all ages. For his work and expertise, he has been interviewed for the BBC, ITV, and Sky News TV and various international print media and radio. His previous titles include 101 Tips for Parents, 101 More Tips for Parents and 101 Behaviour Tips for Parents (2014) and Gratitude at Home (2016).
The Social Media Divorce – advice for parents of teens
Richard Daniel Curtis
The Kid Calmer and author of The Parent’s Guide to the Modern World
You love your children, you’re a proud parent and you’ve shared their successes (and a few mishaps) on your social media for most of their lives, so why are they now telling you that you embarrass them online?
Teenagers nowadays are referred to as Generation Z, they were born after the millennium and had technology in their hands from birth. Social media has existed in much of their lives and they are used to having instant connections with friends and family all over the world. Certainly, by the time they matured into middle childhood, at the age of 7 or 8, Facebook was becoming a household name. By that time smartphones were widespread, as were digital cameras, so this generation have grown up under the lens of social media.
However, throughout their teenage years, they are very likely to reassess their own image, personality and how the world perceive them. This can lead to the Social Media Divorce…
I use this phrase to describe the process of unpicking and setting new boundaries about images or videos of them and your social media accounts. I always advise parents to build a trusting relationship with their child as they approach adolescence, making that shift from disciplinarian to life coach. Some children want to have completely separate social media lives from their parents, others are content with things as they are, others want to remain connected to their parents and want images or tags removed.
First of all, don’t ignore this, for your child this is huge, dismissing that is likely to make them more determined. You’ll need your child to take the lead on this, ultimately it is about them and you as the parent can always save the digital images rather than have them on social media. You’ll want them to feel comfortable with the arrangements and that you understand them. It’s likely you’ll have this conversation over several days or weeks, but here I’ll go through the four steps to the conversation (or conversations as you have them).
Initially, you want your child to not perceive you or the conversation as a threat. Maybe you are going to be doing something together, playing a game, walking the dog, cooking. This helps to make sure that the conversation isn’t a face-to-face one. Face-to-face conversations are the hardest to have as instantly you psychologically take opposite sides, whereas if you are both looking at something together then the conversation takes a different tone.
When helping someone to resolve an issue, or even deal with loss or grief, an important early step is to give them the space to allow their head to sort the thoughts out. Crowding an overwhelmed brain by asking lots of questions, like ‘how do you feel?’, just causes more overload and often causes a defensive response. However, sitting with someone in silence makes it alright to sort those thoughts out, to fit them into the existing schema in our brains and to slot them into the various compartments of our experience. Ask them “how do you feel about us being connected on Facebook?” then remain silent.
As humans, we are constantly trying to help other people by suggesting what they could do or say; with children, many parents find they even finish their sentences in a bid to be helpful. When faced with an issue, this is not helpful; let the silence grow and as it does and they work out their thoughts, you’ll find you move to the third step when your child asks questions or verbalizes their thoughts. For you, this stage is predominantly listening, with the use of questions for clarifications or for refocus.
It is only now that you can move onto the final stage, reaching the agreement. This is likely to happen over several conversations, but just like in divorce will involve conversations about the big picture stuff (Am I allowed to be connected to you or follow you? Can I tag you in posts, videos or pictures?), all the way to the more finer detailed things (these are the pictures I want you to remove, these are the things I don’t want my friends seeing).
Remember, it’s an important dialogue to have, even if it’s in parts. Let your child guide the outcomes, whilst you guide the flow conversation. In a few years, they’ll probably enjoy reminiscing and looking through the old photos and videos, however as we all know that whilst a teenager is trying to establish their adult identity they probably want to be in charge.
Follow My Life. One Story at a Time. for future book reviews,
promotions, and giveaways!
|My Life. One Story at a Time. A free book may have been provided by the source in exchange for an honest review. Views expressed by authors are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of My Life. One Story at a Time. My opinions are my own. This provided in accordance with the FTC 16 CFR, Part 55. In the state of Louisiana, we are no longer allowed to be Amazon affiliates, therefore the Amazon link is provided for your benefit only. My Life. One Story at a Time. does not collect any affiliate fees.|