Another year has gone by and it’s Mother’s Day again. I sit here in anticipation, hoping as I do each year that the phone will ring and when I say hello, this will be the year that my oldest daughter will be on the other end.
It has been sixteen years since she last wished me Happy Mother’s Day. The pain in my heart increases each year and my breath catches as I try to keep the tears at bay. They fall eventually when I am able to find a moment alone, but for a while, I manage to hold them back. I am good at pretending, which is how I keep the tears at bay. Practice makes perfect as the saying goes. Maybe one day I’ll be perfect.
It is hard sitting in church watching the mothers and daughters around me. I really have to focus hard during the part of the mass when the priest asks all mothers to stand for a blessing. My Hubby always makes me stand. He tells me that no matter what, I am a mother and I deserve my blessing just as all the other moms do. And, as I stand, my thoughts are not concentrated on the words of the blessings; they wander around in my head unfocused, wondering if I do deserve the blessing.
About that time, God will grab my attention and help me to focus using happy memories from when my daughters were young, and I realize that He is telling me not to forget that He blessed me with children, and I am a mother and I do deserve my blessing on this Mother’s Day.
I know this post is a little bit of a downer for what should be a joyous occasion, but there are those us who end up with a little different day. It is not always through fault of our own, it is what life threw at us. I do know, as other mothers do, we always did the best we could with the tools we had at hand. Sure, there are decisions I’d make differently if I knew then what I know today. Unfortunately, life does not always provide us with the opportunity. Nevertheless, I love my children dearly, and I always will; and for that, I do not need their permission (to love them). That is one of life’s little blessings for moms.
I received an email a couple of days ago from AFL informing me that I had won a gift certificate and that my Mother’s Day story would be featured in their newsletter. The story is about my daughter. Here is the link if you would like to read it:
Thank you to all who visited today. I invite you to leave your own thoughts on this Mother’s Day.