It is said that there is a fine line between right and wrong, love and hate. I think the same holds true with sane\/insane, crazy\/not crazy.<\/p>\n

I get up each day and face the reality that I cannot call my daughters and talk. I cannot share something that happened the day before. I cannot share a funny antidote. I cannot share memories. I cannot ask how they are doing.<\/p>\n

I cannot ask them about my grandchildren. I cannot say, \u201cHey! Why don\u2019t we meet for lunch?\u201d I cannot call to simply say I love you. I cannot call to say I was thinking of you today.<\/p>\n

Each morning as I open my eyes and greet a new day, my reality hits me like a train going 90 miles an hour. It crushes my chest and my heart hurts. On a bad day, I barely exist. On a good day, I spend my days asking God for forgiveness.<\/p>\n

Forgiveness because I was so broken. Forgiveness because I didn\u2019t know how to fight. Forgiveness because my daughters were so easily manipulated into thinking I abandoned them. Forgiveness for not being stronger for them.<\/p>\n

I ask forgiveness for shrinking from confrontation. Forgiveness for only being present in body and not mind. Forgiveness for decisions I made in my brokenness. Forgiveness for not forgiving.<\/p>\n

I ask forgiveness for hating. Forgiveness for anger. Forgiveness for being human.<\/p>\n

We all pretend to have people in our lives that we say fulfill those empty places \u2013 \u201cYou\u2019re like a mom to me.\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re like a daughter to me.\u201d or \u201cYou are my family.\u201d It is only a figment of our imagination, a story we tell ourselves to fill the void, to pretend that everything is okay; but in the end, the heart will triumph because it knows the buried truth. What we really want is our own mother, our own children. A do-gooder, a pretend, cannot fill the void; it can only be filled with the person whose place it rightfully belongs.<\/p>\n

It is a fine line between sane and insane. I know. There are days when I am not sure which side of the line I am walking.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It is said that there is a fine line between right and wrong, love and hate. I think the same …<\/p>\n

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