My Crazy Life – beginning July 4, 2011 – Lucy gets a facial!

            I thought my Kindle broke, or maybe it was having a Lucy moment. I guess if I learned to operate it properly, I might not panic every time something happens. The screen went blank. The battery was charged but nothing was happening. I have over 160 books on my Kindle. This was a serious matter, and I was seriously considering freaking out. I think those helpful people over at Amazon know my phone number by heart. We solved the problem and I am back to reading.

            Did I mention that Hubby bought me my very own cordless screwdriver/drill? I love gadgets and tools. Not just any tools, I like power tools, put the pedal to the metal power tools (meaning power!) When I mentioned this fact on my Face book page, people were commenting about what my Hubby was thinking when he bought this for me (my thought was that he wasn’t thinking.) I do not understand. Do my friends really think I should not be trusted with such a tool? Ummmmm. Maybe I should mention at this point that I am pretty good with a nail gun and I have used one of those saws that have a skinny blade that you use to cut out things. I love when you press the button, it does things – really fast! I cut out all of the holes for the light switches and electrical plugs in our house. I have also used a table saw, belt sander, a router; however, I am still trying to figure out how to plug the nail gun into the compressor. It never seems to cooperate for me.

I could start a repair business. I’ll name it “Lucy’s Repair Service”. Some poor, unsuspecting fool might actually want to hire me, however, it would give me good writing material. My best friend, Jessica, is buying a house. She might need some help!

We all have those annoying phone calls from telemarketers, and, we would all like to tell them where to stick the merchandize they are hocking, but we don’t. It’s their job and we all have to make a living.

Well, Calypso took a call on Sunday and she obviously did not have that problem. She not only told the telemarketer to keep their defective bone, she got so mad, she chewed the phone (which I now realize I left at AT&T and didn’t get a picture of.) It was a mess.

Hubby lectured me and I passed the lecture on to Calypso. Luckily, for her, I was able to get a phone for $10. My contract is due for renewal and I was not buying a phone for full price! On principle alone, I was not purchasing a full-priced phone – not when my contract ends in October and I can buy what I want for a discounted price. You would think, with all the money I send their way each month – they would have made an exception. (I guess the $10 phone was their exception.)

After going six rounds with the clerk she told me about the $10 phone. It is actually a phone that AT&T sells for Pay-as-you-go, but you can put your SIM card in it and wha-la (how do you spell that anyway?) you have a phone. And, this phone is brand new. Of course, it doesn’t do much except for ring, but for two months, I THINK I can manage.

I think I am going to permanently erase “my life is boring – what will I write about this week” – from my memory bank. That phrase is like the phrase, “Give me Patience”. Be careful what you wish for, because every time I think that – something happens. You would think I would have learned this by now.

I had a “first” experience this week. I had my very first facial and pedicure. (I know, I am 53 years old and I have never done either!) It was an interesting day.

I absolutely loved the pedicure. I wanted to bring the girl home with me. Now, the pedicure, I want to do again – the facial – let’s say the jury’s still out on that one.

Don’t get me wrong – for someone who loves being cocooned in warm, heavy blankets and having their face wrapped like a mummy – hey, this is for you – it was not for me. I do not like being cocooned. I hated it so much as a baby, I was born in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. I didn’t like it then; I do not like it now.

It was heavenly lying there letting someone scrub my face and massage my shoulders; and the creams smelled fantastic. I did freak out a little when her fingers passed between my mouth and nose. I breathe through my nose and I felt like my oxygen would be cut off at any moment.

I might have been a little more comfortable had she talked and let me know when she was going to touch me (my eyes were covered) and if the product was going to be hot or cold. I do not like people in my space, and I do not like being touched, so imagine “Princess Lucy playing Blind Man’s Bluff”!

I cannot stand heat (I’ll be in Hell soon enough – do not need a preview – thank you) so I didn’t like the heat lamp (I think that what it was –eyes covered.) Then, after all the niceties were completed, she tucked me in tight (in heavy, warm blankets) and said that she would be back in ten minutes. I believe her parting words were, “I’m going to leave you for a while so you can go to your happy place.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? MY HAPPY PLACE!?

Barreling down the railroad tracks hanging on to the roof of the express train – might be my happy place. Flying through the air with the greatest of ease – might be my happy place. Waving a red cape at a horny bull – might be my happy place. BUT, being left alone in a dark room wrapped up like a mummy in a tomb – NOT my happy place!

My HAPPY PLACE is on a swing on the front porch with my Kindle – preferably with a fan blowing cool air on me while I sip a tall glass of Sweet Southern Ice Tea – NOT  cocooned in hot, heavy blankets with my face wrapped up with only my nose peeking through like Mount Everest! A facial is NOT my thing.

Now, the pedicure, as I said was great. Once the temperature of the water was cooled slightly (what is it with HOT?) I enjoyed the foot whirlpool. I must be one up-tight chick because I was sitting there enjoying the foot massage and the girl kept telling me to relax. Geez – I’m thinking that if I get any more relaxed, I am going to slide to the floor. I guess relaxation is a state of mind, and I haven’t visited that state yet.

That massaging chair – turn that sucker off, because it was irritating the daylights out of me – not massaging me. I felt as though I were riding down a dirt road in an old jalopy. I am thinking that next time Jessica suggest we go for facials and pedicures, I might just do the pedicure and perhaps a manicure. That should be safe enough.

There is a new feature on Face book where you can move your mouse over someone’s picture and “like” or friend them and I couldn’t for the life of me get it to work. I was finally helped by a nice person who wrote an article about this feature (and I was lucky enough to come across it) and was open to answering stupid questions. We finally figured out that I had to unlike my blog’s Face book page and that way, the feature worked. I was finally learning to like myself, only to find out I had to unlike myself. What a confusing day that was. I have realized that there are some ding-dongs on the internet, but there are also some very kind, helpful people.

I was having a Lucy moment the other day. I went into the bedroom to get a file that I needed to work with in my office. I made the bed, then put something to heat in microwave, and headed back to office. I forgot the file. I then went back to bedroom to get file, and folded clothes. The microwave dinged, and I reset the timer. Then, I remembered file. I headed back to the bedroom for the file, and raised the window shades. I headed back to my office. On my way to my office, I stopped to put a pot to heat on stove. I then went to my office, sat down at my desk, and remembered the file. (Do you see a pattern here?) I headed back to the bedroom, looked around (wondering why I was there AGAIN), and remembered the file. I then went back to my office, and could not remember why I needed file.

I mowed the yard this morning. After that chore was finished, I gave both Ryka and Calypso a bath. It has been pouring down rain for the last two hours and they have been playing in the rain. My guess is they don’t smell as good as they did after I bathed them.

Hope you enjoyed the visit this week. Ya’ll come back now!