Are YOU making this Etiquette Mistake?


Sunday’s From the Heart Series – It’s all about the etiquette
 

title page of Etiquette an Rococo-Arabeske

 

 

OR, maybe you don’t give a hoot about proper etiquette?

 

         I do! Even acquaintances of mine will tell you it doesn’t take long to see I am all about manners and proper etiquette!

 

          I was reading an article the other day about the proper way to handle different etiquette situations, and the topic of being invited to a shower or a party (etc.) hosted (and I use this term loosely) at a restaurant, but with the intention of you paying for your own meal. I thought it was funny because this is a pet peeve of mine, a HUGE one! I have addressed etiquette on my blog before and I thought – it’s a favorite subject of mine, so why not do it again? I love hearing what other people are thinking, so I really hope you will comment. It can’t be just me who is missing those long ago days of manners, along with “Please” and “Thank you.”

 

          (Back to the subject) This has happened to me on several occasions, and I must admit I chose not to attend the functions. We all view situations in a different light, and this is only my opinion. “Hey, we are having a baby (wedding, etc.) shower at (insert restaurant) in (insert town 2 hours away) on (date, time) for (insert name). We would love (exaggerating) for you to attend, but you will have to buy your own meal.

 

         This is what I hear when someone issues this type of invitation: “Hey. We want to you to drive two hours, bring a nice gift, and buy your own meal. Want to come?”

 

         My answer: “No thank you”.

 

         Now, my circumstances may be a little different in that this is the only time I hear from these types of people, and maybe my response reflects this. Hubby and I do not invite people to join us for anything unless we can pick up the tab. I feel that it is inappropriate to invite someone with the expectation that they travel this distance (and incur fuel expenses as well as four hours driving time alone), purchase a gift, and their meal.

 

         It really makes me wonder if they had the party at their house, would they have a donation box at the door to defray the cost. Personally, under the conditions where the host cannot actually afford to “host” the event, a smaller gathering at their home would be more suitable.

 

         I know if I were to attend such an event, the cost of the gift would be significantly altered by the additional expenses I would incur; than if I were attending the same event at someone’s home where I was not expected to also pay for my meal.

 

         Now, that being said, there have been occasions where my Hubby’s large family has met at a restaurant for a birthday and each family picked up the tab for their family. This is not the same thing. There are always occasions when friends will meet up at a restaurant and everyone will pay for their own tab. These are not the occasions of which I speak.

 

         To sum up this post (I guess I did that already) I feel that if you cannot afford to host the event at a nice restaurant, you should choose a less expensive venue, or have the party at your home. You should not ask others to pay for your party. I would much rather attend a simple affair at your home than pick up the tab for your party.

 

         Now that I have vented and expressed my personal opinion, I would love to hear your take on this particular situation. Do you think it is proper to host an event and expect people to pay their own way?

 

 

 

 

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Stalking my prey


       I, for some strange reason – because I don’t normally explain myself – felt the need to explain myself – stranger things have happened – to someone that I had been surfing around the internet visiting their site and such, because they had requested I review their book. My explanation – needed work because as I explained I do not feel the need to explain myself – came off sounding like a stalker – at least to me. Anyway, the person thought it funny and did not in the least think I was stalking and even friended me on Face book – which by way has punished me again, suspended my friend requesting for a month. I can accept requests, just not send any.

English: Statue of Sherlock Holmes in Edinburgh

 

 

       So, getting back to the topic on hand, I decided to come clean. I do investigate those sending me requests to review their books. For me, it is part of the process in deciding whether I review a book.

 

       First, and foremost, the book has to be a genre I enjoy reading. Second, if you would read some of the requests I receive, you would do some investigating as well – perhaps even hire Sherlock himself. Just a hint here to any authors or would like to be an author requesting book reviews. A request has a better chance of being accepted or even taken seriously, if you actually take the time to address the person by name and send information rather than just links. A book reviewer’s time is as valuable as yours is. And, you are the one asking for the favor of a review. Think of it this way – would you just walk up to someone and toss a book at them, no explanation about what the book is about, and expect them to catch it and read it? I bet you never thought of it that way.

 

       Back to the subject – not being a rude person and therefore just hitting the delete button – I admit that sometimes I do – I grab my magnifying glass and slap on my Sherlock Holmes hat and surf the net.

 

       I check out the links they may or in lots of cases may not have included. I check Amazon for the book and sometimes read the reviews. I check out their website to see how they are handling the promotion of their book. I also like to read some of their “other” writing. A person’s website tells a lot about a person. I also check out their face book page and other sites that they have indicated they are on to see how they are promoting themselves.

 

       I guess in a way, I do stalk those who request I review their book. Hopefully, they have been “stalking” me as well. After all, I hope they have read my Review Policy along with some of my book reviews to see if my style of reviewing and my blog are compatible with the audience they are trying to reach and if my review will help them sell their product.

 

       What about you? If you are a book reviewer, how do you make your decisions on whether or not to review a book? If you are an author, how to make the decision to contact a reviewer; and once you find a reviewer, what type of letter writer/information giver are you?

 

       There you have it. My name is Donna, and I’m a stalker, and you read it here first.

 

As always, thanks for taking the time to visit today!

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The Seasons of our Lives

      I attended a bridal shower for a friend on Sunday. We’ve known each other for approximately six years. It seems to me that I am always reading stories about friendship and the length of friendships, and I’ve always wished I had that in my life. I am an introvert and tend to spend most of my time alone, therefore not putting myself out there for friendships. Lack of trust is also an issue.
 Bride-In-Taxi
       Then, as my best friend and I were sitting together watching this same friend open her wonderful gifts and having such a great time, tears came to my eyes because as I looked around the room, I realized that I did have that friendship in my life.
       I have a group of four -now five- women in my book club group that I have been friends with for around six years now. We have seen each other through marriage rifts, boyfriend problems, illness, selling houses, buying houses and moving, looking for Mr. Right, divorce, children, and grandchildren. We have become an integral part of each other’s lives.
       As I sat there and watched my friend open her gifts, I thought back to our first conversation -which we still laugh about. It was actually the second time we met and we were sitting next to each other after having served ourselves dinner. I mentioned that I had been reading a cookbook, and she interrupted me, looking at me as though I were a space alien, to ask, “How do you read a cookbook”. I remember thinking, what a snob. I can either make nice or knock the hell out of her. It was a pivotal moment.
       Needless to say, I made nice and we became fast friends. She has since confessed to reading a cookbook or two herself – but that’s a secret. Oh! And by the way – my answer to, “How do you read a cookbook?” was, I always buy the ones with pictures.
       It is funny how life is sometimes. We have gone from “looking for Mr. Right” to finding him, and now marrying him with our friend. We’ve watched a season end and a new exciting one about to unfold. And, as I look at my wonderful friend, surrounded by opened boxes, crumpledtissue paper, fine china, and delicate crystal, I find myself quietly anticipating the chapters still to come in our shared lives.
       Best Wishes Tara for a wonderful married life, and the next season of your life.
Thank you for visiting today.
I hope you’ll follow my blog and return for more stories.
Donna