Why I didn’t get flowers for Valentine’s Day

WHAT!? You say? No. I didn’t get flowers. I didn’t get candy. Those are all items easily picked up at the market while frantically trying to get home in time for a romantic dinner before Valentine’s Day goes to hell in a hand basket.

What I did get for Valentine’s Day is love. And why is that enough? I’ve had the fake flowers and the fake candy – the items grabbed in a rush because it is what you’re supposed to do. I’ll take true love any day.

Hubby likes to say that everyday is Valentine’s Day because we live in Valentine. We really do – Valentine, Louisiana, a little settlement along a lazy bayou. And, it is Valentine’s Day everyday – except for when it’s not, we all have those days.

Hubby got up bright and early to go fishing this morning. He has been so busy building a house (he’s in construction) that he hasn’t had the time to just relax and let his mind wander a bit. So, he loaded up the boat and went fishing. Why does it not bother me that instead of spending today with me, his wife, he is out in a boat? Because it makes me happy to know he’s finally relaxing a little. That is what love is about. That is what Valentine’s Day is about.

I’d rather have a Husband, who when the water lilies are in full bloom and floating by the wharf, leans precariously over the water and snags a few of the beautiful purple blooms – because he knows how much I love them rather than one that grabs a bouquet at the market at the last second. Being thought of is Valentine’s Day.

IMG_4038I’d rather have a Husband, who when it is very cold outside, lets my two German Shepherds into the garage for a warm night’s sleep because he knows how much it would mean to me (without being begged to.)

I’d rather have a Husband that takes the time during running errands and says let’s stop for burgers at the Goal Post (a little drive-in) than one who takes me to a crowded restaurant just because it’s February 14th.

I’d rather have a Husband who takes a look at my dirty truck (yes, I have a truck) and sneaks out to wash it to surprise me.

I’d rather have a Husband, who just this morning, grabbed a plain sheet of writing paper, and left me a beautiful note saying how much I mean to him, rather than grabbing the first acceptable card from a rack.

I’d rather have a Husband who comes and sits on the porch swing in the evenings with me, rather than watching Gilligan’s Island.

Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day and I didn’t get flowers. What I do get is Valentine’s Day – every day – in Valentine, Louisiana.

Happy Valentine’s Day – every day – to my Husband. Love you to the moon and back!

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New Year’s Resolutions – Why the hype?

It’s that time of year again and it seems that everyone is either writing or talking about their New Year’s resolutions. It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt the need to make a resolution. Isn’t it something we do in the recesses of our mind anyway, even if we don’t proclaim it? Why do we have the need to clarify thoughts of things we hope to accomplish when two weeks into the New Year, most have been forgotten?

The New Year for me is the same as any other day of the year. January 1st simply means the close of one disappointing holiday season and another year approaching. I no longer make Christmas wishes that I know will not come true. I know this because my wish has been the same for many years, and it’s gone unfulfilled.

Each year I tell myself that maybe this will be the year my daughters will choose to be a part of my life, and each year it doesn’t happen. There is no communication, no phone calls, no returned texts, no letters, nothing. So this year I made a difficult decision, a decision to move forward. No more wishes. No more disappointment. No more expectations. I made the decision to quietly put the past to sleep, as the past cannot be rewritten. It cannot be changed, and I cannot predict the future. The present is all I have and I need to try to make the present count. For self-preservation, that means no more wishes.

It really isn’t a New Year’s resolution that I’ve made, so much as a life resolution. My only aspiration in life was to be a mother. I am grateful for the sixteen years that I had as mother to my daughters, but that life is over, taken from me in a divorce. I’ve learned that one can mourn for a lifetime for pieces of their life, but it won’t bring them back. So, for this January first, I pulled off the black veil of mourning, and made the decision to move forward. I will shake the proverbial puzzle box and dump the contents out on the table and put a different puzzle together this year; a very different one, one without wishes.

 

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Happy New Year 2013! Join me for gifts galore!

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My Crazy Life – December 3, 2011- The “perfect” Christmas tree

Brazilian-christmas-tree
Image via Wikipedia

A friend posted on her face book page today that she allowed her two sons to decorate the Christmas tree. She was taking a break and wondering if she should leave it or fix it. I posted that I would leave it. Her post brought back a wonderful memory that I had forgotten.

Every year I would decorate the “perfect” tree. This one particular year, I let my two daughters decorate the tree. My heart gave me the idea, so how could I not listen. They made a construction paper link train like the ones we made in school as children. They also put a hodgepodge of ornaments on the tree, including the ones they made throughout their school years. It was the most beautiful tree I had ever seen.

I remember getting a lot of criticism about that tree from the ex-family. Boys can be cruel at times. It also came from them never taking the time to get to know me. I had to fight very hard that year to keep charitable feelings in my heart; looking at that tree brought a lot of peace to me. I haven’t looked at a Christmas tree the same way since. I love my two daughters with all my heart and would love to have that moment that the three of us shared back again.

We all played Barbie dolls when we were young (even some of you guys.) I have a number of Hallmark Barbie doll ornaments that I just love. I would put them on the Christmas tree, which made my youngest daughter get the vapors. The moment she would come in from school, she would sneak up to the tree and move them all to the back of the tree. Her behavior never gave her away. She could be a sneaky little stinker when it came to moving those ornaments.

As soon as I noticed, I would move them back to the front and go about my business. She would walk through the den and notice the ornaments were back in the front and she would move them to the back. This would go on and on for the entire Christmas season.

I am thinking about digging them up and putting them on the tree this year – just to see if she notices. The ornaments will probably be the one thing she will want when I’m dead and gone. Maybe she’ll even hang them on the front of the tree and smile each time she passes.

I hope you’ll join me this holiday season with comments of your own. Next up – the year the girls opened every gift under the tree and kept it a secret until Christmas!

Donna

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